"My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you're supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don't waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world." (Oprah, the finale)
Inspirational words. Especially for someone who never felt driven by a force or passion greater than me. That driving passion that catapults you from bed every morning, excited by the prospect of making a difference, enlightening others, or even to just make money to give your family a better life. That, is something I've never really chased before. But, that is about to end. Here I sit even more compelled to chase the visions dancing in my head. The time is now.
In two days, one hour and 28 minutes, my baby Bean will be one year old. One year. It flew by in the blink of an eye. Her health is seemingly (knock-on-wood) stable, and the only major obstacle is her stupid g-tube. She's making great progress on being able to hold her head and sitting up. She's standing with a lot of assistance. And, according to others, she seems bigger, longer, stronger, and even more engaged. She's a little comic. A ham. She's saying a few words now. "Dad", "Dog" and one she performed this morning perfectly on cue, "Ginga!" Ginga arrived late last night (Delta.com, ...we will have words!) Andi has been in hog heaven, especially because her other Grandma, spent the entire afternoon with her yesterday as well. Having her grandma's around, the Bean seems to smile a bit bigger, more easily, and with more frequency. She's happy.
In the past year and a half, I've had a few visions. When I was pregnant, I once envisioned what Andi would look like. I believe this was before one of our last 3D ultrasounds (we had 2D ultrasounds every three weeks from late January to late May.) My visual of the Bean prior to birth was pretty right on. I thought her hair would be lighter, but in speaking with her Grandma yesterday and looking at the photos on the wall, her hair has lightened considerably over the past year. The other vision I had somewhere in the course of the last year. I don't remember if she was still in the hospital, or here at home with us. This vision was of Andi "running" around on the beach. I say "running" because it was the clumsy running of a child rather new to walking --the stumbling, fumbling, falling-down learning process. I just know in the bottom of my heart that she will get there. It might not be happening just yet, but, it will happen when she's ready. I just have these visions of her dancing around on the beach, giggling. I have the biggest hopes, aspirations and dreams for our Bean as she approaches the 2nd year of life. I hope it's full of love, strength, joy, learning, and growing. More importantly, I hope it is full of dancing. Dancing, laughing -- all while educating & inspiring others. My calling, or ours... the time is now.