A Glimpse

We're having quite a rough morning.  Andi's fever has been gone for several days, but today, her cough is pretty constant.  It was considerable enough that I felt compelled to cancel our audiology appointment -- hearing testing.  I just didn't think she'd do her best being unable to calm her cough, and her snotty sounding nose.  I've tried to sit her upright and do her morning feed in her high chair, thinking getting her off her back would help her clear her lungs.  She was pretty fussy, so I tried to vent her ... that is very difficult to do when she's in the high chair because you have to take the tray off with one hand, despite it containing all the distraction toys on top of it, all while holding the vent.  Then trying to get the milk back into her stomach... it just doesn't work well.  So, I tried to prop up the vent tube in a blanket where she wouldn't kick or grab and dump it.  I ran into the kitchen to get a bottle, to drain the milk so I could lay her down and reprime the mic-key and then re add the milk.  Well, I wasn't quick enough and when I came back from the kitchen -- which is maybe ten steps away... the icky milk was on the floor.  After this debacle, I laid her propped up on her contour pillow.  She fussed, I vented with not a lot of luck.  She kicked at the tube I held a few times, disconnecting & spilling the contents all over her contour pillow cover.  From there, I held her in my lap while I worked, which was the most successful attempt at calming the cough.  However, after a good ten minutes of coughing during her feed, she puked all over me, the couch, herself.  A nice thick slimy mucous filled puke -- my favorite!  So then I had to change everything I'd just put on both us the prior hour.  I feel bad because I got a little angry, a little frustrated.  Some days are just hard.

Now the Bean rolls around on the floor in another outfit, coughing occasionally.  She's having a good time.  She's occasionally staring at the TV upside down, kicking her feet and entertaining herself.  I have noticed that since she puked, she isn't coughing quite as much.  Maybe that's what needed to occur.

The other night, Andi awoke super early with a hacking cough.  Her feed stopped because I think she puked or such.  I ended up bringing her upstairs to sleep on my shoulder in the rocking chair/recliner.  Without her g-tube plugged in, and not having a feed filling her stomach, she didn't leak all over me.  We snoozed for awhile in the chair. However, after awhile, I thought it'd be nicer to stretch out in bed, so Andi and I returned downstairs to sleep in the bed.  Having a child with a leaky g-tube, and constant overnight feeds, sleeping on Mom's chest has never really been an option for us.  However, this morning was special, as it was a little more "normal."  I absolutely loved snuggling with the baby bean.  It was most precious.  When we awoke at a reasonable hour, Andi was laying with her head on the pillow next to me, my arm drapped over her.  Daddy awoke to find his cub next to him, and it was probably one of the best family morning's we've enjoyed.  Those simple little experiences that most parents probably overlook as a given, for us, mean the world.  Although it could give way to all the expectations and "should-be's", I allow myself five minutes to be upset, then move on. Afterall, we have many more things to work on, as this rough morning comes to a close.  Bring on the afternoon.