The Past, The Present, The Future!

I guess I'm vying to be "the problematic-parent from Portland" when it comes to Andi's school.  Today, I wrote an email asking the school to rethink the classroom that Andi's in, as it is WAY TOO SMALL to house a Bean.  With eight kids, a teacher, a teacher's aide, and a ASL interpreter.  11 people in such a small area is not okay.  Hopefully, they will hear my concerns and try to find something a little more spacious for them next year.  Andi only has another two weeks of school and then they're done for summer. Which reminds me I need to contact this program to see if they have any sort of summer camp that Andi could enroll in.  When summer break ends, and the new school year begins, Andi will be going from 6 a.m. (likely she's still be the first on the bus) and go until 2:30!  She'll likely still be last off the bus too, which would be around 3:30!  Yikes.  That's a very long day for a four-year-old.

When I find a job, which is proving to not be a lot of fun, I am unsure how all this will get done.  How will we get her to appointments, and what do we do if we have another day where she needs to be picked up from school!?  I haven't encountered the work/home life balance fight... so I'm wondering how well *cough, cough*, okay, how poorly, I will handle it.  I'm having trouble figuring out what I want to do, and all these job titles make my eyes glaze over, annoyed.  It's going to be very difficult to find anything remotely half as decent as what I've been doing these past 18 years.  The other day I was remembering what it was like to go into the office everyday and work on different projects, with my heater cranking under my desk.  I loved my desk, my office.  I miss seeing everyone every day, and way back when, taking smoke breaks with my coworker and hearing his tales of growing up in the area.  It was fun, and I am starting to really miss it.  Since Andi was born, I haven't been able to think about me, my career, and what I want out of this life of mine.  It's all been about her.  Her needs, her appointments, her therapy, her well-being.  To switch to the land of 'ME!' is not only decadent, but scary and I guess, ultimately, one thing to celebrate.  I should be thankful we're in a place in her life where I can go and do for me... but being thankful doesn't make me any less frightened.  Wherever I land, I doubt it will have similar shoes as where I've been.  My bosses and coworkers have been my family, held me up so many times over the years, and I doubt I will find that level of comfort any where else.  I have to come to accept that.  But, as I move forward in my quest to find the next phase of my life, I can't help pause and mourn the life I will be leaving.  (uhm, ...if I ever find a job!)  But, right now, I'm savoring what I have, where I've been, and trying to stay hopeful about where I'm going.